The day was Thursday, May 10, 2018. Just a normal day in the life of University of Maine baseball second baseman Caleb Kerbs. But during a shower that day, something felt odd.
 
"It was the day before we left for Albany, when I first detected this mysterious like lump," explained Kerbs of that day.
 
Kerbs played in and started all three-games at Varsity Field in the state capital of the Empire State, as the Black Bears swept the Great Danes by scores of 6-5, 8-5 and 8-7. While the Black Bears were riding-high, winners of five of their last six, Kerbs felt uneasy.


 
"It was uncomfortable playing," continued Kerbs. "There was a feeling that I knew that something was wrong. I told various people, 'You know there's something that I found that was suspicious'. I wanted to get it checked out. My parents reassured me that it was probably nothing serious and to just schedule to a doctor's appointment as soon as possible."
 
Kerbs and the Black Bears returned from Albany early Sunday morning, and on Monday, the redshirt-junior visited Cutler Health Center for the first initial check. 
 
The baseball team had a quick turnaround, traveling to Brighton, Mass. for a non-conference matchup with Boston College on that Tuesday, May 15. Kerbs did not travel, because he had an appointment for an ultrasound in Bangor.
 
The following day, Kerbs left practice early, taking a taxi for an early appointment with a specialist in Bangor.
 


At that appointment on May 16, Caleb heard the following message that would change his life, and has changed so many before him and many more after him. "This image here shows that you have cancer," the urologist stated. "We need to do something about it immediately."
 
Kerbs was diagnosed with non-seminoma testicular cancer, the quick-spreading, less aggressive variant of the two major types. Non-seminoma usually occurs between the teen years to early 40s, according to cancercenter.com.
 
Caleb, sitting in the doctor's office, without a car and without anybody by his side, reached out for his phone. Who was first person he called? It was Maine baseball head coach, Nick Derba. 
 
"The team was practicing and I had to let him know what was going on," continued Kerbs. "I was crying. I was all alone and it was scary. Derba left practice early and came and saw me at the doctor's office. It was a real powerful moment to see my coach showing up for me. After I had gotten that initial fear reaction out, it was helpful to have someone to come with me and explain to me the steps that needed to happen next."
 
Derba saw Caleb's name flash on his phone, and answered with calmness.
 
"I heard his voice and I think the pause he took was more than telling than the phone call," Derba said of that day. "It wasn't fear that I was feeling. It was, 'let's get this kid's mind right', because the last thing he needed to hear was somebody else panicking. These guys are a major part of my life, so when they're hurt, I'm hurting too."
 
As Derba drove the short distance from Orono to Bangor, Caleb called his family.
 
"They were in shock," Kerbs noted. "They couldn't believe it."

With Derba now present at the urologist office, the second-year head coach helped Kerbs get his bearings straight and figuring out what happens next.
 
"I tried to retain as much information from the doctor as I could, considering it was a major blow to him," Derba noted. "Caleb may not have been really able to focus on what the doctor was saying, so basically I was there to be his ears and ask questions if needed and just be a person there to support him."


 
After a few more phone calls, Kerbs and Derba departed the Queen City. Up next for Kerbs was the challenge of informing the team of the doctor's diagnosis.
 
"We came back to the clubhouse and I addressed the team," said Kerbs. "That moment was another emotional one for me. I told them what I had was serious and it was scary, but I had to deal with it now. I had a hard time talking initially, but I was just honest and I started to cry in front of everyone and they responded to that. We are a family and I told them my diagnosis and situation. It was a very vulnerable time for me since it was so personal, but my teammates showed their love and compassion."
 
While Derba provided comfort and support, he also helped by offering another resource that really impacted Kerbs.
 
Derba gave Kerbs the number to his brother-in-law, Ryan Huslig. Huslig, a former college baseball player himself, had also previously been diagnosed with testicular cancer.
 
"Derba gave me Ryan's phone number and I immediately contacted him and we connected," said Caleb of the conversation. "He gave me some good advice which was really helpful in the whole process. First off, he told me what was going on in less medical terms. He told me about the surgery and what kind of things you can do to make it a little bit easier on yourself. He told me about the different tests that they're going to do in the next couple of years to make sure that it doesn't come back. He gave me a general outline of what happens next, what to expect and also he just he gave me the openness to just contact him whenever I had a question. He was going to be there for me, so we developed a connection. I was really thankful for that."
 
Kerbs flew home to New York City the following day to be with his parents to figure out the next course of action. He scheduled an appointment as fast as possible with Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, the largest and oldest private cancer center in the world. Caleb went to the initial appointment and scheduled the appointment for the surgery.


 
On May 25, Caleb underwent the fairly fast half-hour procedure in Manahattan. He would be bed-ridden for the next six weeks.



"The doctors didn't want me to be very active the first four-weeks, but it's tough to hold back from practicing my swing in the mirror in my room," Kerbs said with a smirk.
 
The surgery was successful, with tumor levels decreasing significantly following the procedure. A few cat scans later and Caleb is now in the surveillance phase, getting tested every few weeks.
 
During the six week recovery period, UMaine hosted the America East Baseball Championships at Mahaney Diamond.
 
"I really wanted to be physically in Maine, but I couldn't," he said. "I had to watch all the games in my room, usually on my bed with my mom and my dad. My dad would come over to my mom's house and watch the games with us. We'd plug it into the speaker. We'd listen to Jim Churchill on the radio, as well. It was nice to see the team playing and they hung up my jersey in the dugout. It was really powerful to see that they were still thinking of me, even though I was stuck in New York City."
  After the six weeks, Caleb returned to Maine to gather some belongings, and got back to training in New York. Kerbs previously planned to play for the Mystic Schooners of the New England Collegiate Baseball League, but decided diving right back into a game-setting was not the best idea. Kerbs trained and then towards the end of summer, got a much needed escape.
 
Caleb ended his summer with a 15-day birthright trip to Israel, that was previously scheduled before his cancer diagnosis
 
"It was really powerful and valuable," Kerbs said of the trip. "I learned a lot of things from being with a community of people. I shared with them what I was going through, and getting their feedback and their love was nice to have. Some of them had family members going through something similar I was going through, and it was nice having a few mentors on the trip."


 
Kerbs also spent five days by himself in Israel without his group, staying in a hostel.
 
"It was nice being out of the house" Kerbs said of the excursion. "I was traveling throughout the city of Tel Aviv. I was trying new things in a place I've never been to. It was really relaxing."
 


Kerbs was refreshed and ready to be back on the diamond for the first time since May. He returned to Orono this fall with a new mindset. He saw his teammates face-to-face for the first time since the surgery upon his return to campus. 
 
"My teammates were really invested in me over the summer, keeping in touch whether they called or FaceTimed me, and asked what the doctors were telling me," Kerbs said of his teammates. "It was awesome seeing them and the coaching staff again. It was awesome to be playing baseball again. The first ball that was hit to me, I made a diving play. It was just so great to be back." 
 
Over the past six months, to say Caleb's life has changed is an understatement. From hearing the cancer diagnosis on May 16^th in Bangor, to flying to New York to have the surgery on May 25^th in Manhattan, to being bed-ridden for six-weeks in Brooklyn, to regaining his strength and venturing to Israel for 15 days in August.
 
Now back in the Pine Tree State, Kerbs played in his first game-action since May 12^th on September 15^th in a doubleheader against American International College at Mahaney Diamond. How did Caleb fare? He reached base in 7-of-8 at bats on the day. The 110 days between Caleb's surgery and his return to the field has made a tremendous impact on how he views life. "There's so much to take away," Kerbs said of the whole experience. "The one thing that I know for sure is that I will never be the same person I was, if this hadn't happened to me. I've said to a couple of people that I'm grateful that this happened to me and that I was in the situation that I was in because I've learned so much from it. There were fears that I think were holding me back from being the best person that I can be. So this experience opened my eyes to that. It showed me how precious life is and how precious every single moment is. Which is why it's so important to be present in every single moment we are given."
 
Derba also noted a change in the mindset of his first recruit that committed under his watch at UMaine.
 
"I've obviously seen some changes in him," Derba said of Caleb's demeanor. "But the best part about Caleb is I think that he realized that this doesn't change him. Anatomically it does, but it doesn't change him from a standpoint of anything. This is part of his life journey. It's not his life journey, it's part of it. He's mature enough to realize that this is just another blip in his life. I'm really proud that he's taking this life experience and he's turning it into a positive one in the sense of that he's going out and being open about the cancer and being outspoken about it. When these type of things happen, you can go one way or the other, and I think this has effected Caleb in a way that is making positive waves for him on the other side."
 
Caleb dreams that baseball will pan out into a professional career, but he is taking every day one step at a time. He's looking forward to playing one more season in the Maine jersey and sporting the old English 'M' blue hat.
 
"The best is still yet to come," Caleb noted about his upcoming senior season.  "I would like to keep playing baseball as long as the opportunity is there. I love baseball, but through cancer, I've realized there's still more out there. I have other passions too. I just want to stay in this moment right now and enjoy everything. I'm trying to be the best I can be. This cancer has really opened me up as a person, so I think my abilities on the field will reveal itself more than it ever has, because I'm that much more grateful that I get a chance to play here and compete. I want to be a leader on the field for some of the younger guys and create a community with the team. That's really important. That's what this is about. You know, it's about developing as human beings, just as much as it's about winning games."

 
Cancer in general and particularly testicular cancer is hardly an easy subject to talk about. Kerbs wants to help change the narrative. The insight from Ryan Huslig has inspired Caleb to do whatever he can to help someone else that felt that fear and pain.
 
"I want to speak out about testicular cancer and maybe help someone else that might have this diagnosis, or with another cancer," Kerbs continued. "There's a lot of emotion that you feel when you hear the word 'cancer'. There's some thoughts that race through your head and it can be really scary. Having someone there to talk to is really helpful. I want to share my story with people. Cancer effects every single person that is involved. It's not just the patient. I think sharing my story will help people grasp that idea."
 
A video series titled Strike out the Stigma starring Kerbs will premiere on GoBlackBears.com and @MaineBaseball beginning on November 1, with new episodes coming out periodically. The videos have the goal of spreading awareness with statistics, among other subjects in hopes of educating the public and creating a resource and network.

Stay tuned to both GoBlackBears.com and @MaineBaseball on Twitter for the latest installments in the series.
 
-UMaine-